Personal pronouns
Being aware of what pronouns are, how to use them, knowing what to do when you’re unsure and making yours known are all key steps to making the workplace a more inclusive environment for everyone. By using gender-neutral pronouns for people we don’t know, declaring our own and asking first, we are able to mitigate harms and make out workplace culture more accepting and inclusive.
Key Definitions
Personal Pronouns
A pronoun is a short word we use as a simple substitute for a person. Personal Pronouns are words used to refer to others in the 3rd person and are used in the place of the proper noun (their name). Examples of gendered pronouns include “he/him/his” and “she/her/hers”.
When we are unsure of someone’s identity, using the gender-neutral singular “they/them/their” is acceptable. Here are some examples:
“Geoff is my partner. He works in the NHS”
“Have you met Fiona? It’s her first day”
“Someone left their phone behind. I hope they come back for it.”
Misgendering
Using the wrong gendered pronouns for someone is often called “misgendering”. Using the incorrect pronouns for a person, even accidentally, can be upsetting because it suggests that you don’t see them the way they see themselves. Deliberately misgendering someone is offensive and is a type of harassment.
'Preferred’ pronouns vs ‘personal’ pronouns
Many people avoid the term “preferred pronouns” as it implies that your pronouns are a preference rather than a part of your identity.
When pronoun usage goes wrong
Most of us have learned to assume someone’s gender identity based on clues such as their appearance, voice, or name. We judge whether they are male or female and use gendered pronouns “he” or “she” based on this.
This can go wrong when someone has a gender-neutral name such as “Sam”, or because they do not conform to our expectations of gendered characteristics. It can also happen to people who are transgender or whose gender identity falls outside of “male” and “female”, as with non-binary and genderqueer identities. If we’re unsure what pronouns someone uses, we can use the gender-neutral “they/them/their”.
It’s also a good idea to avoid gendered expressions such as “Ladies and gentlemen” and “Morning Gents!” so that you’re not excluding people whose gender identity falls outside of these labels. Alternatives include “Folks”, “Colleagues” and “Everyone”.
For most of us our gender is a fundamental part of our identity. If someone uses the wrongly gendered pronouns to refer to us, it can be very embarrassing. If you make an honest mistake with someone’s pronouns you can correct yourself and move on.
Sharing our pronouns
It is helpful to make your pronouns known, for example when you introduce yourself, in your email signature and in your biographies on websites etc. so that people know which ones to use. It might seem obvious which pronouns you use, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Normalising the practice of sharing them makes it easier for people whose pronouns are less obvious and makes the environment more inclusive.
Some people may feel uncomfortable sharing their pronouns, especially if they’re currently unsure about their gender identity or not ready to share that with other people. For this reason, nobody should be compelled to share them. It is, however, worth bearing in mind that not expressing a preference will not stop people assuming your pronouns so it may be worth expressing what your current preference is, on the understanding that it’s okay to change this later.
Once someone has made you aware of their pronouns, it is good practice to use those pronouns consistently. This applies whether or not the person to whom you're referring is there.