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16 Days of Action: How male allyship can make a difference

Loughborough University is committed to being an inclusive, respectful and welcoming environment to all, and understands that a key part of this commitment is taking the time to educate its community.

Last year, our Vice-Chancellor Professor Nick Jennings messaged all staff and students with a clear call to action following a series of national and local reports about drink spiking: ‘the responsibility for ending violence against women, is ours as men’.  

As part of this year’s 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence (25 November – 10 December), we’re bringing important topics back to the forefront of our University community, starting with guidance on how to be an ally to women.  

Manuel Alonso, Associate Chief Operating Officer and Director of Student Services commented: “What does being a male ally mean to me? It means using my position of privilege to foreground the experience and contribution of women in the workplace and beyond. It means calling it out when you see sexism and misogyny playing out, whether this is in the comments people make, the assumptions people work with or the way in which women are silenced, their experience marginalised and their contributions ignored or co-opted by men.  

“For me, it’s not about talking on behalf of women, it’s about ensuring there is the space for women’s voices and contributions to be heard. And it’s about doing all of this over and over again until it is normalised. We still have plenty of distance left to travel.” 

There are four key themes to male allyship: self-reflection, action, support, and respect.  

Self-Reflection 

Take the time to look at yourself. As a man, understand what male privilege is and the disproportionate impact this has on wider society, and how it has been embedded into our organisations and institutions.   

Can you think of a time in the past when you have witnessed a friend behave inappropriately, but stood by and not called them out? Maybe you remember a time where your own behaviour may have been perceived by someone else as controlling or abusive. 

Take the time to read, watch and listen to resources on allyship, and have an honest conversation with the women in your life; listen to what you can do to offer safety and support.  

Taking Action 

When a friend crosses the line, it’s time to take action.  

Catcalling and disrespectful jokes about women are just a few examples of harmful and negative behaviour that many women experience and witness regularly in today’s society.  

If you see a mate behave inappropriately, there’s an opportunity to make a difference and have the conversation.  

If you feel confident to do so, you can call them out on their behaviour directly – let them know it’s not okay, as your intervention can have a massive impact in the future. Alternatively, you can speak with other peers about it and work together to see if you can talk to the person collectively or remove the individual from an immediate situation before any further harm or offence is caused to someone.  

Support 

As a true ally, there are a number of supportive measures* you should implement in your life if you haven’t already, whether that’s in your professional or personal life. This includes: 

  • Listening to women and girls non-judgementally, valuing their opinions and contributions 

  • Having the willingness to compromise and seek a mutual resolution to conflict which is handled in a fair manner 

  • Sharing responsibility: From family decisions to financial management and household work, do your best to share roles in a responsible and equitable manner 

  • Communicating openly and truthfully, taking accountability and being able to accept when you’re wrong 

  • Being a beacon of support: Support a women’s goals and ambitions, as well as respect the right she has to her own feelings, activities and opinions.  

Respect 

Respect is an essential part of a relationship, whether that’s a friendship, a professional relationship or a romantic one.  

Some of the points above already illustrate what respect is and should be. Here, we’ll focus on respect in romantic and sexual relationships. 

Let’s talk about sex 

Everyone’s sexual education is different, and this is where communication is key. Talk to your partner about what each of you like doing, check you have a clear and mutual understanding of what different things mean to you both, and regularly check in with one another to ensure what you are doing is pleasurable for both parties.  

Remember, don’t accept silence as consent. And make sure you have consent. Never pressure someone to do something they don’t want to do. Consent isn’t just verbal - check body language and lack of verbal cues to clarify whether they really want to do something and if you’re in doubt, stop what you’re doing.  

Understand how as a man, your social position and physical strength and size can make others feel less powerful. Do not use your power to guilt trip, influence or pressure someone to do something they do not what to do.  

*Adapted from Dr Michael Flood’s ‘Men Speak Up: A toolkit for action in men’s daily lives’ 

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